


A Sunny Cruise on the Brocean

by Not_Inigo_Montoya



Category: Lore Olympus (Webcomic)
Genre: Asspollo POV, Broseidon, Gen, Missing Scene, Not Beta Read, Rated M for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:33:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22021126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Not_Inigo_Montoya/pseuds/Not_Inigo_Montoya
Summary: Poseidon takes Apollo to prowl for chicks in the Mortal Realm.  Set off-screen between Episodes 81 & 84.
Comments: 17
Kudos: 45





	A Sunny Cruise on the Brocean

**Author's Note:**

> This is first-person from Apollo's point-of-view. If you read Lore Olympus, you should understand what that means and consider yourself warned accordingly.
> 
> If you don't read Lore Olympus, why are you reading Lore Olympus fanfiction? Go read Rachel Smythe's real thing!

"Have fun!" I could hear the rapey old bastard mocking me as the wave took me...

...and I was on a moonlit beach with an assclown yapping in my ear: "Bro, this is gonna be awesome! So, you want to disguise ourselves as mortals or should we let them know who We really are? And what are you after tonight? A mortal girl? A nymph? Three of each? Oh, wait, hang on, let me call my wife and see if she wants me to pick anyone up for her!"

He turned around and belly-flopped into the shallow water, because of course he would pick the most ridiculous way possible to communicate through the seas. At least I couldn't hear the idiot anymore with his face underwater. It was hard to think while listening to his inane drivel and I needed to figure out a way to ditch him as soon as possible and get back to Olympus. Or to convince him to take me back, which would be quicker - unless he was committed to this "cruising for chicks" trip that Hades had somehow convinced him I wanted to take _right now_. If he was committed, he wouldn't take me back - or be easy to shake - until he'd decided we'd had enough pussy for one night. 

Damn Hades. This was smarter than I'd have given him credit for. Weakass old beta knew he couldn't take me in a fight so he'd gotten his brother to keep me busy so he could make a try for my girl. Loser needs to learn his place. 

"Right, 'Trite said she's all good, I don't need to bring anybody home for her," a wet _finned_ hand clapped me on the shoulder. "So let's go get laid!" 

"Yeah, fine, Poseidon. Let's go. So where are we going? Where'd you bring us?" 

"That is a good question! I think we're somewhere southeast of Marathon." 

A _good question_? Did this cretin not even pay attention to where in the Mortal Realm he dumped us? 

"Yeah, southeast of Marathon. Had to double-check the water. So where to, my man?" 

Not the perfect location, but good enough. We were close enough to cities with temples to me that I could use to get back to Olympus and stop Hades. 

"Ok, we're not too far from Athens. It should have lots of women to choose from, let's go there." 

" **ATHENS?!?** No way! We shouldn't go there, those idiots don't deserve us! They're stupid, and they're ugly, and who wants to go somewhere with a stupid name like Athens anyway? They should've named it Poseidonopolis, you know. That would've been a good name, but those stupid losers don't deserve it! I mean, what sort of..." 

Crap. I'd forgotten about that. Of all the cities he'd lost to bitches - which was too many, he was a terrible excuse for a king - Athens was the one he was sorest over. 

"I mean, olives? Who even likes olives? I gave them water, everybody loves water, and I gave them dirthorses!" 

"Ok, ok, we won't go to Athens." 

" _Dirthorses_ , Apollo! They're like horses but they live on land and have legs. The mortals just call the dirthorses 'horses' and real horses 'sea horses' because mortals are silly like that. I mean, obviously the ones in the sea are better and came first. But my dirthorses are still way better than a scraggly tree with oily fruit." 

"Poseidon! I get it! You'd have been a better patron than Athena. Let's just go to Thebes. That's close, right?" 

"Yeah, I guess it's close... especially if we ride dirthorses!" 

I shook my head as Poseidon willed two horses - which he did _not_ invent - into being for us to ride. This was a king? What a bad joke, almost as bad as Persie's joke that she gives a shit about that sad-sack old man I left her with. I hated to do that, I could see how scared and disgusted she was trapped in his car, but that evil bastard had managed to cockblock me too well with Poseidon's help. 

I thought about it as we rode, tuning out whatever bullshit the Idiot of the Seas was babbling. If he kept me down here all night, I'd have to go straight into overseeing Helios before I could get back to Artemis's. 

I wasn't worried about Hades fucking my girl while I was gone – he probably couldn't even get it up on his own, and Persie was so frigid that even if she wanted to for some reason she wouldn't know how to help him with that. Honestly, even for a virgin ensnared by my sister's dyke cult Persephone was terrible at sex. She just lay there like a corpse: she didn't move her hips, she didn't grab at me, she didn't call out my name and tell me how great it was, she didn't suck me off... really, she was boring. A good enough body, once you got past all the flab around her stomach and thighs, but no clue how to use it. 

No, I just didn't want that pathetic has-been messing around with what was mine. Persie is weak and stupid. Hades has too much shiny jewellry he could entice her with and is a pathological liar. He'd already sunk his hooks into her, probably using his damn dogs to seem nice and normal and harmless, and convinced her somehow that she didn't want me. How else could I explain her being so unappreciative of what I'd done for her? It's not like the dumb cunt had actually done anything to deserve the honor and blessing of being mine. I'm the mortals' favorite god, I'm way out of her league – and she's got the nerve to be ungrateful? It would serve her right if I gave her to him. Let her feel that pathetic cuck's hands pawing all over her, maybe even his gross old man boner knocking at her entrance. She'd realize how good she could have had it with me then! 

I wouldn't give her to him, of course. Unlike his brothers – one of whom was now galloping away from me towards a creek and shouting about three “wicked hot” naiads - I actually deserve the honor the mortals gave me. I'm not the sort to give up what's mine unless I don't want it anymore. Hades could try to help himself to my sloppy seconds when and if I decided I was done with her but not a moment sooner. 

My musing ended as I pulled my horse to a stop at the creek where Poseidon now stood hip-deep in the water. 

”So where are they?” I asked. This was ideal. We could each grab a nymph real quick and get off in her so the trip to the mortal realm wouldn't be a waste and I could convince Poseidon to use the water to take us back to Olympus right after. My night would be salvaged. 

”Don't know, don't care!” Poseidon laughed. His stupid ear-fins popped out from his head as he grinned and I fell to the ground as the horse beneath me dissolved into the ether. 

”What?” 

”I was just doing Hades a favor, he asked me to get rid of you for him. Bros before bros, you know?” 

”Bros before – what? That's not a saying and it makes no sense.” 

”Dude, poetry's your thing. You don't like it, you come up with something better,” he told me, waving as he floated away with the current. 

”Ugh, if there's no naiads then just take me back to Olympus.” 

”No can do! Taking you back would defeat the purpose of bringing you to the mortal realm, lying about where we were, and leaving you here. I don't want to disappoint my brother at brunch tomorrow. Deuces!” 

And with that, he dove underwater. Leaving me... shit, did he say he lied about where we were? 

Son of a bitch!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not 100% satisfied with all of this, but I wanted to post something finally, the completely different story I started after Episode 77 is taking way longer to write (and would take longer to transcribe), and this scenario was just begging me to write it after I read Episode 81. So here you go, my first fanfic in over a decade and a half. Feedback appreciated.


End file.
